Give me 10% more pay or I'll quit.

The symptom is very clear: as a manager, you feel like you have your back to the wall - not to say blackmailed by your employees. They make demands that are not in the interests of the company. 


Background

It is normal and healthy for people to test their limits. There are enough people who don't do this and allow themselves to be taken advantage of. Borders need to be negotiated. Or to put it another way: those who are constantly looking for the limits also have a right to find them. 


As difficult as such situations are, the psychology behind them is simple:

  • Many people want to be good, to be successful. 
  • Space is limited in the world. Not everyone can have the coveted job. 
  • restriction is completely normal (in contrast to the "everything is possible" guides).


Even the best manager can't change that. But it can be smarter or less smart - or more effective or less effective in dealing with it. So the question is: How do I introduce employees to the necessary restrictions?


Many people externalise when they experience limitations. It's not their fault, but the company, the boss, the other person. This tactic works like sugar: it gives you energy in the short term and harms you in the long term. 


Blackmailing employees take externalisation to the extreme. They are externalising to such an extent that they are risking at least the working atmosphere and probably also their satisfaction and even their job. But it's not the employees' fault. As superiors, we would be externalising ourselves if we were to blame them!


What superiors find fault with in their employees, they themselves nurture through their behaviour.


Antidote: Relentless and appreciative

Effective antidotes are derived directly from these considerations. Provide employees with an environment in which they can rub up against the restrictions in an unsparing and appreciative manner. This is how it works:


- Continuously and attentively point out everything that could still be solved

- Systematically parry externalisations ("Yes, but if the other idiots don't deliver..."), in the sense of: I don't expect you to judge the others, but to get the best out of the situation with all the challenges that arise. And there is still a lot to be done."


Risks and side effects

If externalisation is already so pronounced that blackmail occurs, it is often a little late. It may be that departures and changes cannot be avoided. Nevertheless: Don't let yourself be blackmailed! The side effects on the culture are enormously harmful.


The antidote has a particularly preventive effect. It combats externalisation and extortion at the root.


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Sources

Transparent references are important to me. But sometimes it is difficult to trace back exactly where the impetus for the solution came from. Much of this is the result of years of practical experience. I picked up the phrase "ruthless and appreciative" from my esteemed colleague Armin Haas. Many considerations are strongly influenced by the hypnosystemic perspective, through the training with Gunther Schmidt .